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1954
December 14 I am born
with the mark of Cain and a piece of
glass in my arm
bundle sticks and bind them
with grass or wild rye
collect rocks
draw on the sidewalk with chalk
act out stories
with my grandmother, Mimi
fear tornadoes
swing
play dress-up and have
tea parties with my dolls
watch Captain Kangaroo
on television
go to church
spend Saturday mornings
with my father
at the hardware store
covet tiny plastic objects
at the dime store
and in gum ball machines
Blue Northers, dust storms
the carbon black plant
my father's photographs
tell stories of Germany.
Cherry, Flopsy, Teensy Lou, Ouiga
and my rooster
bury dolls and treasures
in the back yard
dig them up later
climb trees
fear window peepers
and insane escaped convicts
blow soap bubbles
with a wooden spool
Mother reads Heidi to me
Childcraft books
Daddy recites
Edgar Allan Poe poems to me
at bedtime sometimes
the public library
Daddy wants to sail to the Galapagos
and I am afraid
he will leave us behind
draw pictures
learn to read
learn to write
fall in love with Elvis
the Li'l Abner comic strip
learn to shoot bottles
with my father's rifle at the
city dump
learn to swim, not drown
kindergarten
aspire to join the circus
as a trapeze artist
Mother and Mimi sew my pretty dresses
dawning understanding of class,
socioeconomic status, race
religious precocity coupled with
deep existentialist doubt
admiration of movie showgirls
write and illustrate stories
Psycho
piano lessons
my sister's birth
chicken pox
learn to ride a bicycle
break my nose
in a playground accident
Daddy dies in a car wreck
1964
my blue transistor radio
scary crank phone calls
dear diary
mother goes back to college
measles
glasses
braces
draw pictures
The Addams Family on television
the Beatles
leave Borger
tonsillectomy
become the new girl at school
Motown music
my troubles with math begin
early puberty brings breasts,
bad skin and other problems
ghosts and poltergeists
the high dive at the
public swimming pool
Jane Eyre
choir
Ouija boards and seances
The Sound of Music
Western Auto guitar
The Diary of Anne Frank
Tennessee Williams plays
Vogue magazine
make-up, high heels, stockings
anorexia
become the new girl again
get ears pierced
ballet class
Degas
community theatre
debate and drama at school
write poetry
research the silent movies to the point of
obsession
haunt antique shops
junior high misfit persecution
read the Encyclopedia at lunch
Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet
quit attending church
quit ballet and piano lessons
teach myself Beethoven's "Moonlight" sonata
Satie's Gymnopédies, Chopin études and
nocturnes
first boyfriend
fascination with gypsies
The Great Gatsby
my high school integrated
by the National Guard
become friends with Karen and
Michael
become a member of the
band of outsiders at school
research F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald,
Sarah Bernhardt and Isadora Duncan
write letters to Lillian Gish
get replies
high school theatre
thrift store shopping
repeated violations of
school dress code
study French
accused of witchcraft and levitation
the Rolling Stones
Nabokov
Flannery O'Connor
near-death drowning experience
The Little Prince
Bonnie and Clyde
Cabaret
aspire to a career on the stage
and to move to Paris
Mother says I am a romantic
learn to type at Mother's
insistence
Viet Nam War continues
classmates are drafted
early graduation
leave Abilene for college
see the ocean for the first time
Roe v. Wade ends friends'
backstreet abortions
lose my faith
work an inventory of bad jobs
especially in offices and bars
first readings of philosophy
and feminism
Anaïs Nin's journals
drop out of college
move to Santa Fe
letter and journal writing
1974
first marriage
brief return to college
become friends with Donna
first tattoo on 21st birthday
become friends with Silvetta
cats Mick and Bianca
divorce
change name
disco contests, disco lifestyle
model
more ear piercings
photography
become friends with Bae
introduction to foreign movies while
working as a projectionist at an art house
paint murals
French and Russian novels
usher for opera
get a compliment from
Greer Garson
get assaulted in my own home
aspire to write
remarry first husband
pregnancy
read lots of books about
child development
read Levi-Strauss
birth of Nicholas
breastfeeding
learning to be a mother
move back to Texas
dawning realization of the challenges of
balancing motherhood and artistic pursuits
start smoking
divorce
marry second husband at Cadillac Ranch
move to Austin
go to work for UT
Dia de los Muertos imagery resonates
custody battle with first husband over Nicholas
pregnancy
birth of Natasha by c-section
1984
crime novels and film noir, Hitchcock
sleep deprivation
stress
breast-feeding
mothering, mothering, mothering
death of Mimi
take children to see the ocean for the first time
at Galveston
second husband departs
become a redhead
return to college
cat Minette
discover lithography and performance art
get burglarized repeatedly
teach myself to play accordion
meet Suze
study with and work for Carolee Schneemann
second husband returns
graduate from college
continue to work for UT
Hard Women and performing
mothering, mothering, mothering
performing
dogs Frida and Diego
collaborations with
Linda Montano
weather childrens' puberties
attempt to balance work, mothering, art
art always gets the short shrift
write memoirs at forty
New Orleans
Tuscany, Milan, Rome, Venice, Paris
start making artist's books
Minette's death
depression
Jungian therapy
vampires are glamorous
become friends with Shane
meet Pina Bausch
Nicholas goes out on his own
insomnia
research Voodoo
start making dolls
second husband departs
difficulty sleeping in a bed
divorce
Voodoo vévé tattoo
Natasha graduates from high school
"roots" trip with Natasha to the Panhandle
and Santa Fe
Natasha starts college
honky-tonking often feels like
going to church ought to
swallows and Carmen libretto tattoo
nose piercing
stabbed heart tattoo
Frida loses an eye
return to original hair color
anemia
big job
Diego's death
2004
Dublin, London
Milan, Venice, Vienna
I have a great time wherever I go
Frida's death
female trouble
dog Buster
At fifty, I am the sum total of all this.
Like a snail, I carry my house
of experiences and passions with me.
This inventory has been an interesting
exercise in selecting landmarks.
My life has been molded mostly by my
interactions with the people and animals
I have loved, a strong impulse to make art and
my response to the art others have made.
I have already lived much longer than I
thought I would when I was young.
My childhood seems more tangible to me
than the decades that came afterward.
I have had thirty-two addresses
that I can now recall.
In fifty years I have managed to overcome
my fear of abandonment
but I am still no good at math.
The days are whizzing by now;
time accelerates.
Thank you for crossing paths
with me on my journey.
